We get a lot of questions. Here are the ones that come up most often — answered honestly, without the corporate polish.
What exactly is Growing Us?
Growing Us is a set of tools to help couples have better conversations. Right now that means two things:
1. A physical card deck — 50 conversation-starting questions organized into five categories: Appreciation, Curiosity, Repair, Dreams, and Check-in. You draw a card, you answer it, your partner answers it, and suddenly you're having a real conversation instead of the "how was your day" loop.
2. A free app — A companion to the cards (or standalone) that adds audio recording. You can listen to your partner's voice, save your answers, and build an ongoing conversation over time. It's like a voice journal for your relationship.
Who is this for?
Honestly? It's for us. We built it because we needed it.
But broadly: it's for couples who are doing "fine" but know they could be doing better. Couples who've gotten stuck in logistics mode. Couples who want to stay curious about each other. Couples who want a simple ritual that doesn't require a therapist or a weekend retreat.
It's probably not for couples in crisis. If you're at that point, please see a professional. We're a conversation tool, not a replacement for therapy.
Do I need both the cards and the app?
Nope. They work independently.
The cards are great if you want something physical, screen-free, and tangible. There's something about holding a card and putting it on the table that feels more intentional than tapping a button.
The app is great if you want audio, if you travel a lot, or if you like having a record of your conversations over time. Some people use both — cards for their weekly ritual, app for capturing reflections throughout the week.
How much does it cost?
The app is free. Completely free. No premium tier, no locked features, no subscription. We might add optional features later, but the core experience will always be free.
The card deck is $25. That includes shipping within the US. If you order 2 or more (great gift for other couples), shipping is free.
How often should we use the cards?
We recommend weekly. Sundays work well for us — a natural pause before the week starts.
But honestly, do what works. Some couples do it every other week. Some do it daily for a short burst when they're trying to rebuild connection. The point isn't to optimize the cadence — it's to actually do it.
Consistency beats frequency. Once a week every week is better than daily for a month and then nothing.
What kind of questions are on the cards?
They range from light to deep. A few examples:
- "What's something I did recently that made you feel loved?" (Appreciation)
- "What's a fear you haven't told me about?" (Curiosity)
- "Is there anything unresolved between us that we should talk about?" (Repair)
- "If we had an extra month together with no obligations, what would you want to do?" (Dreams)
- "On a scale of 1-10, how connected do you feel to me this week?" (Check-in)
Some are easy. Some are hard. That's the point.
What if my partner doesn't want to do this?
That's tricky. You can't force connection.
What we'd suggest: start small. Don't announce a new "relationship program." Just pull out a card one night and say, "Hey, I found this interesting question. Want to try it?"
If they're resistant, ask why. Sometimes "I don't want to" means "I'm scared this will turn into criticism." Make it safe. Keep it light at first. Build trust in the process before going deep.
If they're consistently unwilling to engage in any conversation about your relationship, that's worth paying attention to.
Is this therapy?
No. Absolutely not.
We're not therapists. This isn't a substitute for professional help. If you're dealing with serious issues — abuse, addiction, trauma, betrayal — please work with a licensed professional.
Growing Us is a maintenance tool, not a repair shop. Think of it like going to the gym: it's good for you, but it's not surgery.
Can we use this if we're long-distance?
Yes! The app is especially useful for long-distance couples. You can record audio answers and listen to each other's voices even when you're apart.
The cards work too — you can take a photo of the card and both answer over video call. Some couples mail each other the cards they've answered as a physical connection.
What if a question makes us uncomfortable?
Good. That's often where the growth is.
But also: you can skip any question. There's no quiz at the end. If something feels too heavy for that moment, put the card aside and draw another. You can always come back to it.
The goal is connection, not confrontation.
How do I get started?
Two options:
Option 1: Download the free app and start with the questions there. No purchase required.
Option 2: Order the card deck and start with a physical ritual. There's something about putting phones away and having cards on the table that makes the experience different.
Either way, the hardest part is starting. The second hardest part is being consistent. Everything else is just answering questions — and you already know how to talk to each other. You just might need a little help remembering how.
Still have questions?
Email us at growing.us.coach@gmail.com. We read everything and try to respond to everyone.
— A & A
Start Exploring
Ready to dive in? Here are some of our most popular guides:
- Weekly Relationship Check-In Guide — The foundation of our approach
- Couples Retrospective Guide — A structured format for meaningful conversations
- 50 Conversation Starters for Couples — Never run out of things to talk about
- Our Story — Learn more about who we are and why we built this